Today was donkey shit. The hospital called to say that they had rescheduled my appointment, I joked that I was going to start drinking immediately. I instead collapsed into hot streams of tears when I hung up the phone. Trudy was on the cusp of opening a bottle of champagne when they called back 10 mins later to say that I was now on ‘standby’ and they would confirm by the end of the day. WHAT THE HELLFIRE JUICE?!?
This new uncertain news left me in panic instead of feeling completely relieved that an impending invasive event was potentially no longer looming. It’s crazy to feel disappointed instead of elated when someone tells you that you might not have to have your chest cut open the next morning. But I was mentally ready and I just wanted the waiting behind me. I want to be on the other side of all of this. This heart shit is getting boring.
My calm and confidence was deflated and I spent the afternoon feeling uneasy, uncertain and overall like I was sitting in a chilled bowl of stew, thick, sticky stew. My family was here specifically for this and the thought of having to wait any longer threatened my sanity.
So we went to the Dollar Store.
My sister loves the Dollar Store and all of its fantastic promises of tiny craft items and seasonal decorations made in China. I found a bunny mask to hide in because that always helps. The variables during this emotional roller-coaster are all shades of exhausting. We just had to wait for the call. Was it on or was it off?
The cardiology department coordinator called at a numbing 5:40pm to confirm that we are back on for the morning. Dr. Hickey was doing surgery on his patients and I was not being cancelled, 6am was the time to arrive. There is always still the possibility that it might be rescheduled in the morning but for now we are back on track. Minus the afternoon spent under the scary thought tornado I had managed to keep at bay until now.
I have to go wash my body – sans genitals – with frigging hand-sanitizer for the 500th time now. Squeaky clean and ready to hopefully, possibly, maybe, kind of have surgery. I am all kinds of weary.
8 Comments
Thinking of you Tracy , what an awful thing for the Hospital to do !! So happy to know you’ll be back on track for tomorrow.What a super Hero you are , thinking & praying for you 24/7 love to Kareen ,Trudy Claudine & your dear self Love Aunty Kay xxoo
Oh my gosh that would just be too much for me to handle. Happy to hear it’s back on. Hope mom is icing that sore foot
all I can tell you is: OXOXOXOXO
Remember our thought determine everything and you want to stay as positive and up beat as possible so CHOOSE to go with the flow and enjoy the rollercoaster ride, no matter what (if that’s at all possible). Will be thinking and praying for all the heavens to be focused on you today and that everything that happens will be to your benefit. xxx
I LOVE YOU! Kick some ass in your surgery today. Show your heart who’s boss 😛
Oh…and did I mention that I love you? Sending all my love and thoughts your way today xxxxxx
Thinking of you this morning Tracey, may it all go fabulously well on your roller coaster ride, you know you have people from all corners of the universe cheering you on and sending their love. Can’t wait to hear what you have to say about it all. Btw has Kareen invited all the hospital staff to vacation in trinidad with her as yet?
I love you so much.
And so do the unicorns.
xoxoxlmnop9999999
The dollar store sounds like it was exactly what you all needed. I’m SO happy we’re still on for today, and can’t wait till it’s all over 🙂 I HEART YOU.