Dear Deodorant/Antiperspirant
An armpit deep thanks for your flagrant promises of 48-hour freshness. To consider all the worldly things I can potentially accomplish in 48 solid hours of smelling rosé petal, ocean breeze and ‘oxygen fresh’. I mean, who even needs to shower anymore?
Imagine the unparalleled productivity! Freshness begets freshness.
I was however deeply saddened to realize that even though, by nature, I am not apt to smelling like a herd of wet yak, wearing vinegar socks. I felt like this was the aura I omitted after a paltry 6 hours of wearing.
While I know the efficacy of these products can bear heavily on the overall makeup of the user. I have never used a deodorant with such superior promises of unworldly expectations, to so promptly have the misfortune of smelling so very un-ocean breezy.
I was left in deeply confused angst – sort of like when your cat eats something unidentified off the floor and it crunches – to further discover that after some moderately minimal use, the unwelcome anomaly of pit pain was directly correlated to using this majestic product. 48 hours of freshly tender lymph nodes.
Perhaps Aluminum, Riclosan, Ropylene Glycol are not the best chemical compounds to rub into the thin delicate skin under our arms? I am not sciencey, so I can’t really say.
I do highly commend you for your dedication to popularizing such noteworthy smells as, rain forest goddess, kitten toes, spicy laundry, fairy floodwaters and camel douche, (some of those might not be actual names…) but I have moved back to a natural product with no promises of multi-day freshness, just ingredients that work sans complicity in mystery underarm pains.
Deodorant should make us un-smelly, not unhealthy.
Also stop putting things into animals’ eyes to test them. That shit is messed up and you know it.
Please be a better human.
Sincerely
A Human Being
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