I was swabbed, prodded, injected, blood sampled, swiped, x-rayed, scanned, monitored, instructed, given a psychiatrists evaluation (nailed it) and poked some more, but most importantly I got every single person I met today to smile or laugh. (Except the X-Ray technician, he was devoid of humour – but also probably full of radiation so I cut him some slack)
It is remarkable how far a smile and some positivity will get you in life. Today was a long and hospital ‘stuff’ filled day. I have much respect for the people who have chosen to work in that environment. The lighting, if nothing else is pretty much the worst thing ever. For the mountains of good humour, calmness and feelings of ease I thank my wonderful friend Sara, for her tireless all day company and entertainment. The G in Toronto General clearly stands for giggles.
Swabs I learned today are from your nose, armpits and groin. (The nurse will offer to leave the room if you would like to do your groin sample yourself, but it’s best to tell her not to bother and then do it right in front of her so she has to turn awkwardly as you drop your pants and run a Q-tip around your bits) I say just leave your shame at the revolving hospital doors on the way in!
I was given a special ‘surgical’ body wash to use for five days prior to the procedure, with the bafflingly specific instructions to:
Wash your entire body from the neck down. (But not my face, scalp and ears, those must stay filthy.)
Thoroughly clean your groin, underarm areas and rectal area. AVOID contact with genital areas. (Umm what? Ok, so wash groin and rectal area but no genitals. Easy.)
The product label says ENDURE 420. I suppose I am to endure using this product while avoiding my face, scalp, ears and genitals. Or endure the fact that it smells like hand sanitizer.
I would be lying to say that I am not completely terrified of what has to happen next week, but in many ways meeting the staff today made it so much easier. I feel oddly calm. Plus for the five days leading up to the surgery my rectal area will be surgical grade clean. What more can a girl ask for?
11 Comments
From what I remember with my husband, don’t expect lather.
Goodness, that somehow makes it seem even worse, like actually washing with hand sanitizer.
Did your hubby have it at Toronto General too? How long was he in hospital for?
He was at Sunnybrook (I like how that sounds like a daycare centre or an old age home..), but unfortunately he also had myasthenia gravis which caused his lungs to take longer to re-recover so he was in for a full week. My husband is a mess… 😉
OMG TRACY! it’s not only these guys at the hospital you got to laugh! you just made me laugh so loud i’m sure i gave the guy in the bedroom next door a fright! 🙂 🙂 🙂
well I hope your neighbour is not paranoid, he might think you are laughing at him 😉
Granny Queenie would be so proud of your laughter factor. She was the past master at it and. of course, Jim passed it on to you. It’s that certain glint in the eye that should warn the unsuspecting soul something silly is afoot. Proud of you no ass – or in your case, a clean one.
The ridiculousness of my sense of humour really must be hereditary…
You are lucky that you are not quite as silly and your mother and brother were, they took the cake 🙂
Love you!!
Thanks for the laugh and the image of your embarrassing the nurse as you swab your bits. Thinking of you. Keep on being as brave as you are. All will be well xo
haha, the kind of shit that is suddenly acceptable once you are in a hospital exam situation is pretty hilarious. Like i would NEVER do that in front of a stranger, say at the mall, but in a hospital = totes ok
🙂
xo
You are so strong and utterly hilarious, not to mention you have a beautiful mind + attitude. I love reading your posts, it’s like I get to be with you every step of the way 🙂 . I wish I could physically be there with you this week, but I know you have a fab kick-ass support system by your side and that makes me SUPER happy. You are too wonderful for words <3 Alex <3
Oh my goodness it’s the day of your operation and I am only now reading this. I am in tears amidst a smirky laugh in my dentist waiting room. You are definitely Jim’s daughter praying for you all day. I know everything will go just wonderfully good you have already put the staff in a happy mood