I hate umbrellas

I hate umbrellas, I always have. I think they are a walking invitation to be hit by lightening. Kind of like taunting a lion housed in a cage made of cooked spaghetti. Umbrellas are tedious to hold, and more often than not you still get wet – plus there really is no other time when it’s acceptable to keep your hand and arm in that ‘I’m about to sing into a microphone position’ for that long. Unless you are about to do a live concert performance and even then, you should just get a headset. Has Madonna taught us nothing?  (Vogue)

Claudine always uses an umbrella, even at the slightest hint of rain, I can only explain it by considering that she is perhaps made of granular sugar and her fear of getting wet in the rain is somehow justified. I hold it ‘wrong’ so she has to hold it, which coupled with the fact that she is also significantly shorter than I am makes this trying. Walking under one with her is pretty much like opting for immediate and unannounced eye surgery with umbrella prongs.  I prefer to get wet.