HEART SURGERY

no boobs jobs

March 25, 2014

I met with my cardiologist team and they have reviewed my latest set of test results. My recent MRI indicated the right ventricle has enlarged and has a volume of 190cc, surgical intervention is usually recommended by 170cc. So despite the fact that I am mostly asymptomatic they believe it is finally time to intervene and repair the valve. My heart is basically getting too fat – lard arse that it is.

I have made a handy visual chart to demonstrate how much, is too much. This is science based and completely factual as found in most medical books of good repute. Preach.

grapeJuice

I tried with zero to low success to find all and any ways to get them to say that a surgical intervention would not be necessary, and we could somehow continue to delay it indefinitely, as has been the case for the past several years.

“What if we pretended it wasn’t really enlarged?”
“No, Ms. Craig”

“What if I ran off into a forest and didn’t come back for checkups”
“That would not help, Ms. Craig”

“What if …”
“No…. Ms. Craig”

No luck. They didn’t fall for any of it.

In a last ditch effort and once I had started to gain acceptance, that this, was actually going to happen, I tried to make light of my increasingly sinking feelings of foreboding and asked if they could at least give me a boob job while they were cutting me open anyway.

 

Silence and blank stares from a team of humans more intelligent and skilled than all the encyclopedias I can jam a door with.

Claudine sweetly leans forward, puts her arm around me and says, “Thanks, we will be going now”

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3 Comments

  • Reply Heidi Lilla July 29, 2014 at 7:44 am

    ru u serious? u need open heart surgery?
    when?
    hope you’re ok

    • Reply tracy craig July 29, 2014 at 5:06 pm

      yep, likely in the fall this year sometime. I have not got a date set yet. All is good, I just need to get some pig parts installed and I will be right as rain!

      • Reply Heidi Lilla July 31, 2014 at 4:06 am

        not funny! but i’m certain you’re going to be ok. especially with that pig part! 🙂 keep me posted

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