HEART SURGERY

June 16th 1983

May 16, 2010

I was born with Tetralogy of Fallot; which is really just a fancy way of saying I had a big ole’ hole in my heart. That shit was enlarged, leaky and was running about as efficiently as a legless hooker in a vat of custard.

My family came to Toronto Sick Kids Hospital in  June of 1983, when I was 5 years old. Prior to my surgery I was a pretty poor ninja as I depended on an oxygen tank to function without getting blue in the lips and fingertips. Like a mislabeled doll, I had yellow hair and blue lips.

I have learned that the tedium of actual medical terms make for poor story telling, so this is my version of the procedure;

They surgically intervened by opening me up, navel to neck, and patched the offending anomaly with some crazy glue, marshmallow juice and fairy tears. They sewed that bad boy up with a unicorn laser and the surgery was a complete success. I was almost instantly able to do things I could not do before and I have not stopped since.

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